Roles - given or assumed?

Since last Thursday I've been analyzing people and situations around me. And it made me think about the roles we have - we assume them or are they given to us?

I will give an example (no names, no details), not because I have something specific with this case, but because from that situation I started to ask myself that question. I had the chance of observing for a very short period of time a family relation (parents included). Sometimes it takes for an outsider to see better the roles each person has in an known environment. Or sometimes it takes a longer period of time away from that known environment to be able to see the roles with your own eyes. I could see better the roles in my family after 6 months, when I went in December back home; even though, honestly, nobody wanted to accept that the situation was actually how I described it - maybe it was too painful.

Coming back to my example, the guy's role was pretty much defined: person unfitted to take care of anything or take a decision, but who can do all the work they tell him to do. He could not back the car without someone mentioning to pay attention to the motorcycles; but when delivery gets to the house, he needs to go and pay them, even though the money were already on the table and someone was at the door. And perhaps all of this because of a mistake he did in his past.

But this situation took me back to my past. I remembered, from my short childhood, my aunt's (from my dad) situation. She got married with the wrong person and after a short period she had to divorce; she had to come back home to her parents, with her tail between her legs, admit she did a mistake and ask her parents to let her move back home. Imagine what she had to go through...it's not an easy situation, but everyone can be mistaken; her family gave her automatically the role of a "failure in life"; you went out there, you tried and you failed. You came home, no money, no dream, no boy, no kid, no nothing and we have to support you. But she just came home to her safe environment, not to ask for pity, but to ask for comfort and support in order to gain back the trust in herself and to go back in the world.

One thing led to another and it made me ask: the roles we have, do we assume them or they are given to us? In my example, maybe he assumed that role since he was a kid, long time before he ever explored the world by himself and "perform" "that" mistake. With my aunt, maybe she was never paying enough attention to analyzing people and promises, maybe she was always a person that believed everything that everybody said. Or maybe people around gave them those roles, sometimes based on suppositions, sometimes because of their own fears or just because of their own perceptions about the world.

But how are we suppose to escape those roles, if people that we trust do not help us? Can you imagine how difficult it must be for someone to come and ask for comfort and support, to regain strength to go back in the world, and to be hit by an attitude of "actually, we were expecting that from you".

Personal example: my parents always believed I'm a "in the air" person. This is why they were extremely scared when I got my driver's license; they were always sure I will get in car accidents. It's true I got involved in a very serious one, but it was not my fault (the guy ran a red light). But will I ever escape that role or I'm starting to assume it? Because I strongly believe in that idea: you can be brainwashed - if someone tells you everyday that you are dumb, sooner or later you will start believing it. (if you are interested in this topic, please read "Blink - the power of thinking without thinking" by Malcolm Gladwell)

And I'm part of an organization which is suppose to help young persons develop so much that they will overcome everything :) and they are suppose to start with personal change. We want to engage every young person in the world until 2015; and it's possible. But how can I finish what I have started if I'm leaving in 5 weeks? And yes, I know, when it comes to professional I need to let future leaders to continue what I have started, but what happens with personal changes/help/relations?

In the end, I still ask myself: the roles we have, do we assume them or are they given to us? Are they given and then they become a part of us (we assume them) or we assumed them so so good, that everybody has the impression they were there for ever?