A promise made too long time ago...

I remembered a promise made by 2 kids years ago... 2 kids that did not know enough, 2 kids that were trying not to make plans regarding the future, 2 kids that wanted and felt there's a too big world to discover.

I think this memory is almost 3 years old by now. I always envied people that could remember exactly the age they had when something happened; I was never capable of doing that. But I admired those people. But I was always envied by my friends because even if I could never remember the moment when it happened exactly, I could always remember all the small details from any event/meeting. Anyway, I think this happened 3 years ago. It was a cold summer/autumn night, 2 o'clock at night and we were in a place which was about to close. We were the last customers and they were trying to make us leave. We did not talk until that moment for some months and we needed to catch up with everything that we lost.

But again, just like 2 kids, we were always back to the same subject: us. It all started like a game, we were trying to have fun and discover new things. But as always, things got complicated and before we knew, we were in a different story that we knew we could not deal with at that age, in those conditions. And in that night, 3 years ago, we end up talking about what we are doing. In that weird night we made a promise, we were too young, we wanted to discover the world, new friends etc, so we could not be together then; but we will meet and talk about that in 5 years from that moment and maybe, start a relationship or whatever.

Now, when that memory came in my mind, it made me think about how we acted as kids actually. Because now, a 24 years person in a few months, I'm not seeing what happened with the same eyes. God, life is passing by and moments don't come back for ever... And that promise made me feel always comfortable with my life and my feelings, because I was always hoping that I have that as my back-up. Now, something changed and I cannot see it with the same eyes. To believe in that idea from now on, it seems for me that I need to believe, really believe in a destiny. But I always believed that you also have an influence in what is happening, not just that the destiny is being fulfilled.

I always saw myself, even if we made that silly promise, as a free person. We were never jealous, angry or over-protective. I always lived my life as a free person, with no strings attached and I was always discovering new persons, new cultures, new things about myself. Last week I felt that I maybe I need to get over and stop believing in that silly promise 2 kids made. This is the bad part of this story: I lost faith in him, I don't trust him any more and I told him that before I left the country. He promised again to win my trust back, but maybe promises are made to be broken.

We are leaves in the wind, who are you to tell that you are going to land in a specific place in the future? No matter how hard you try... you might not succeed. Who are you to tell that something is going to happen for sure? Why don't you take advantage of the present time, which is a present like all the saying are saying, and make the best out of it. Because sometimes we are kids that are making promises...

Friends

Last days were pretty relaxed for me. I had time to do my job, my work and most of all I had the time to rest. Again obliged by the lack of electricity, or like last night, by own will, because I managed to sleep 12 hours. Apparently I was very tired and sleeping 12 hours really helped me to get some rest :)

In the last week, I talked with friends I did not talk for a looong time and it felt very good. I remember that when I left home I was thinking who is going to talk to me while I will be there, who will be in contact with me etc. And apparently, some people still remember me, some people still talk with me or read my blog.

Also I'm very happy because even after a long time being apart, I'm still connected with my MC team from Romania. I talk with them pretty often (or at least a part of them), and somehow, no matter how much time passes by, we still know about each other, what we are doing, where we are etc. I can start realizing that this team will be close to my heart no matter what and we will be friends over the years... That makes me happy, proud and grateful.

But what I know for sure is that now I'm discovering who really represents a good friend for me, who can really understand my passion and the reasons for me coming in this country, who still cares about what is happening to me while being here.

Unfortunately, I can realize I changed and I'm not the same person, mainly because of the situations I had to deal with since I was here (most of them personal), that I know that the relations I have now are affected by that. Sometimes I am sad about it, because I cannot change my behaviour or I cannot find a way to do that yet, and I can realize how the relations I have are affected and I don't like it. But hopefully, the good and important friends I have are going to accept the new person I am and together we will find a way to maintain the relation in the future.

I'm really excited about spending the Christmas holiday at home with family and friends. Sometimes I'm dreaming at night that I forgot some presents or things to do before my departure, but I wake up and realize I have plenty of time to arrange everything and not to worry.

Finding the new you

After almost 4 months I started even more to change. And I can realize a lot more easier the changes I'm going through. And I appreciate in a strange way all the cultural shocks.

I appreciate the lack of electricity. After you finish all your work on a paper and you even reply in writing to your urgent e-mails, you can rest. You are actually obliged to rest, because there's nothing else you can do. And it's not that bad :)

I plan the meetings with a buffer time of one hour at least, because I don't know what might happen, so sometimes I finish work earlier because everything happened in time (my time :) ), sometimes I finish just in time because everything happened in the buffer time :)

We know we cannot find anything opened after 10 p.m., so before that we know we need to make sure that we have everything we need for that night - cigarettes, alcohol, water etc. So that way, rarely we are missing something at night :)

I also started to change for a personal point of view; even my parents realize the changes I'm going through. I'm cleaning very often my locker, I'm taking more care of my things, I'm more reserved in buying food (because I don't have enough money and because I don't need everything), I'm buying only important and useful things, I'm washing my own clothes, I'm cooking a lot more than at home. Also, I know that now I cannot work in dirty rooms, I like clean things and organized, I still don't eat the cookies I'm baking... and so many things. I also know that you never know what the future will be in the moment you decide anything, so specially in the case when you are leaving from your loved ones, make sure you will not regret anything that might happen. And I've become even more patient and diplomatic - I never knew I can I do it even more :)

And then is the other thing we realized we are going through... we are always trying new things (specially from the food point of view), mostly because we are trying to find the things we like at home. Peru is still searching for "that" bread, I'm still looking for that "cheese" and Sasha is still searching for "that" chocolate. And it's funny... because this little things, when you actually discover them, they are making you so so happy... so now we are even more aware of how little things can make your day :)

And I never actually miss home. I don't actually miss the persons in my life, I'm still talking with them so everything is pretty normal. I'm missing the things I'm used to... my car, the buses, a coffee in Saturday morning in a bakery, shopping with my parents every weekend, a club with my girls. I'm missing habits...

But now I'm starting to be more happy. I'm starting to assimilate everything that happened to me from the moment I came here, I'm even more aware of the reasons I decided to come, I'm starting to communicate with people around me in a more profound way (persons from home, but also persons from DR), I discovered which persons are really important to me and I want to keep as friends, and most important... I have my tickets for the Christmas holiday in Romania. So now, I know I will spend 3 weeks in my home :) for sure :) And on my way to Romania I will have the change to visit a little bit Madrid and Rome :) Maybe someone wants to join me? (please reply to my e-mail :P )

PS: yesterday when I was preparing myself to go and buy the ticket, at 7 in the morning, I felt on the stairs and I hurt my hand pretty bad; and it's the right hand, which already had problems. But I was thinking that was a small price I had to pay for my trip to Romania. And I knew all along I'm going home for Christmas; I had a Polo red Volkswagen that drove in from of me the entire road... so I knew I had a small help from my good friend and that he wants me to get home :)