Some you might lose, but some you definitely win

I wished upon a star again... and it came true... again...

A few months ago I dreamed of the future. I hoped, without realizing that there is a possibility for my wish to come true, for stability in my life. I promised that if I will have the certainty of the work place for a few more months, I will focus more on my personal development: studying French with more interest, go to the pool to swim, read more books etc. And now I cannot keep my promise. I always believed (strongly) in: there's no "I cannot", but only "I don't want to". So, according to my beliefs, it's not that I cannot, but I don't want to keep my promise.

I wished for more light, because it was dark outside too soon. A few months ago, when I used to get out of the office, it was dark outside. Now, I'm home, close to falling asleep (because I'm tired) and there's still light outside (9:30 p.m.).

I wished to go to a rock concert and opportunities are showing up like mushrooms after rain.

I wished (even more months ago) to get my own apartment, to cook, to be able to do anything I want without explaining to anyone why I want to do that (eg: read a book all day Saturday), to drink wine and listen to my music. I'm only missing the Audrey Hepburn painting and the vacuum cleaner.

But today I realized I wish so many years ago for that boy... blueish eyes and brown hair, playing the piano and listening to rock music. A man that can take care of me, one that can make me laugh every day, one that can share some (if not all) passions with me. A boy that knows when to act childish and when to act mature. One that loves travelling, reading, cars, IT, mathematics, wine and music. One that can actually read me and understand me without me explaining to him anything I do, say, think etc. And so many more qualities, characteristics and descriptive things. I never pictured how I will meet him, nor how the situation will be. I just always truly hoped that I will get to be one that will prove to the world that is possible. And now, it's for the first time when I'm thinking I might actually want to settle down in a few years... and it scares the hell out of me.

I wish many more things, don't get me wrong. I don't feel I developed sufficiently, the need of evolution is still in me and it's huge. I want to learn how to play the piano, to do bungee jumping, to read a lot more books, to get a permanent position in a company, to visit the entire Europe, parts of Asia and Latin America, to have my honeymoon in Alaska, to go on a roller-coaster, to buy a car, to learn Flemish, to perfect my Spanish and French, to practice yoga and swimming on a constant basis, to buy a house with a huge pool and to do many many more :)

Did it ever happen to you to be happy (not all day, but every day) constantly for 4 months?
I wished upon a star... and it came true...
Slowly, but surely, all parts of the puzzle are coming together. Maybe in a few minutes, hours, days, months or years I'll not be happy anymore (during one day) and that continuum will be broken. But, at least, now, I'm happy. And hopefully, this "not all day, but every day" happiness with stay with me for more :)

maybe the "I don't want to" is because the feeling of happiness is the most intense I ever felt it in my whole life....

What love represents to me

I was walking down the street, while listening to a song, and realized what love represents to me. 

I have never believed in soul mates, nor in faith, and I definitely never believed that you are writing your own destiny. But I always saw life as a game of Poker: Texas Hold'em. I strongly believe, in life, someone (depending on your religion, but we mostly call him God) is giving to each one of us 2 cards. Those cards you cannot control and you can never anticipate what they will be. But you can use them to build a "good hand" and win the game. Because after receiving each one of us 2 cards, that "someone" puts on the table 5 cards ("the flop", "the turn" and "the river"). You also don't know what they will be and you (alone) decide if you think that the cards on the table can build an interesting (wining) game with the cards you hold in your hands (a "good" combination of 5 cards will help you win the game). Anyway, if you don't know the game, you can read more about it on Wikipedia :)

But today, while listening to this specific song, I realized what love represents to me: I think each heart (or, if you want, you can call it soul) has its own frequency (tune, melody) and only some ears can hear it. I don't think only one pair of ears in the whole world can hear your tune, but only the right ears can hear a specific melody. Maybe this is a way to explain there isn't only one big love for each one of us, but more. Not a lot more, but more. And depending on how loud your tune is one day or where you are truly playing it, different ears catch it; if they are on the same frequency, they hear it and, if you are lucky, you might even end up having a relationship. But sometimes we don't play it out loud or we don't play it to the right audience.

Yes, I think I can accept this - it does not limit me, and in the same time, it does not kill my romance or idealism. If you feel like sharing your own opinions, please comment below :)

Right person, right moment, wrong time

I met so many people in the right moment of my life, but at the wrong time of theirs. Or in the right moment of their life, but at the wrong time of mine.

I met my first love when I was 16; unfortunately, we felt we are too young for such strong feelings. We decided to wonder around the world for a few more years and hopefully, later on, we will come back. So far, nothing else than a nice romantic movie. But the ending did not happen; or it did not happen yet.

I met a very nice guy right before I left the country for my first international experience. I was too difficult for both of us to try a long distance relationship. So we decided to stop before we got too involved.

I met a very good friend 9 years ago. I did not talk to him more than 5 minutes in the first 4 years. After a weird night and 4 years of not talking, we ended up talking about many stupid, little, insignificant things; we realized we really like the friendship developed between us and we want to hold on to it as much as possible. I left the country for my first international experience and we promised to keep all our promises and work on our friendship even more. Unfortunately, the timing was wrong again and a stupid accident took him away.

Today a conversation took me in the past again and made me wonder about how sometimes it is the right person in the right moment, but at the wrong time. Someone asked me today where I was 6 years ago; just because 6 years ago I was in my rock time and because I love wine, cars and piano. But 6 years ago I did not like wine. I loved cars and piano and rock music, yes, but the wine was added a few years ago. Actually, I realized how much I love wine last year, when in Dominican Republic the wine was pretty expensive and I did not recognize any of the brands. I still remember when I went home, after one year and 2 months, when I went out with my girls for the first time; it was so hot (summer in Romania gets sometimes too hot) and I ordered wine; their reaction was amazing: why did I drink wine on such a hot summer day? Because I realized I love wine and I missed it for the past year. Anyway, today he answered in such an original way to his own question "Where were you 6 years ago?" "In the wrong bed" Don't take it out of context, it's a (also) cute way (if you don't take it our of context) to answer.

But my question stands: how do you know, that if you would not have been in the "wrong bed", you would have been in the right one? Would you? Or it was just not meant to be? And how do you know that it is/was the right (wrong) bed, if years did not pass by and you saw the results of that specific "bed"?

Or sometimes we just have to wait? Another friend told me in December 2010 (after 6 months in Dominican Republic) "good things come to those who wait". And my typical answer would be "haven't I waited enough?" But maybe sometimes we have to wait...

And other times, we just want things to fall in the right place... and we ask ourselves

You think you know, but you have no idea

One of my favourite teachers told me long long time ago that in the end you will be alone with your god. This is not a religious post and I’m definitely a person that wants to tell people what their religion should be, but I would like to look at this from another perspective: don’t judge others, don’t criticize and especially, don’t generalize. One of the most beautiful characteristics of people is uniqueness. Value it! Don’t assume that you know someone because every now and then that person follows a pattern, nor because you have the impression that (s)he is repeating a behaviour.

I know some of my best friends for almost 5 years (thank you my girls for a beautiful friendship), and I will not say I know them, but only a part of them. I’ve know my best friend for 21 years now, and I still cannot say I know him. I think I know a lot about him, but I don’t know him. I strongly believe that you need to know a little bit of all the “departments” of someone, in order to be (even) able to say to know partly that person. And still, lately, I’m hearing so many persons assuming they know... well... people :)

Besides valuing this uniqueness of people, I think we should award it also. When was the last time you did an act of goodwill for someone else, without a personal benefit? I was reading a few days ago a blog which invited us to “pay it forward 2012” – what about accepting this challenge?

I strongly believe this year, 2012, it would be the year when I will accept the most challenges and deliver ALL of them. I want to do acts of goodwill without personal benefits, I want to award more, I want to listen more (and discover more), I want to learn more, I want to challenge myself as much as possible.