Be there for us... we need you...

One week ago I managed to watch the Romanian 7 o'clock news live on the internet. I was so happy that I could connect for one hour live with my country. I was so happy that I could see commercials and interviews with famous people in Romania. Unfortunately, I got very sad in the next second... all the news were so bad, negative and irrelevant. And I think I did not observe this before, when I was in the country, at this intensity... I really did not like anything in it: stupid news, stupid excuses, lies, unimportant and irrelevant stuff...

Actually I feel every day that this experience is becoming more and more personal for me. I realize what I like, what is important for me, who is important, what I appreciate, every little personal detail about me. I don't like the news in my country. I don't miss them, I don't learn anything new from them, they only make me want to change something in order for my kids not to be influenced by them. I like neat things, cleanness, order and I like to see things around me organized or otherwise I cannot work. I cannot lie and I don't see any purpose in telling people what is my financial status or my family's status. I don't like to pretend. I like to clean and cook, but I like when people appreciate what I did and they don't behave like I'm their maid.

I also got a little bit scared about my future. Maybe it's because of all the events in my life in the last months/years, maybe it's because I feel the pressure again to make a decision about my next year. Usually in AIESEC getting closer to November, means that you should decide your next year, because you need to apply for that position. I started to get scared, because next year I'm going to be 24, single, without a job, doing volunteering work? From personal point of view, I'm playing. From professional point of view, I'm discovering. How much more can I do this? Don't I want to get married until 30, maybe have a kid? I want to still be the kid and to play and discover? Or maybe I can do all of them?

The thing that is in my mind a little bit more powerful is represented by the people in my life. My friends or not really. I can really start to see what they represent for me, what I want from them, what I represent for them, what they want from me... And I'm starting to take decisions about them. My team here told me that maybe I should wait a little bit more until I take decisions, but I feel that without me wanting, I'm starting to "create" the decisions...

Aerosmith said it so good in the song called Dream on:

Sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHRNSeuvzlM

I don't want to be mean, but being to far away from my friends helped me realize a little bit more easily how you feel in this situation. Is not that you want to threat them, but slowly you drift away... if I ask your help and you postpone me, the second chance might not show up. But also, like it happen to me... you never know what might happen and maybe tomorrow you will not be able to talk with me anymore... or I might not come back home, because I might start thinking that I have no reason to come back home...

Away from home, so far away, without the possibility to go back every 2 months, makes you see the things a little bit more fixed. If you want to flex them, you need to talk with your friends which are so far away. We need to hear some things every once in a while, because we are not there to see them how we used to...