Blank week

Apparently I have to write...

It was a full week for me, but unfortunately everything lost its meaning for me. Last Wednesday I woke up full of energy and ready to start my work. I just opened my computer and all my girl friends were talking with me about a situation I didn't understand from the beginning. I want to write about this here, because it will influence my experience here. Tuesday a really close friend passed away - I don't want to talk about this, I don't need to here any more condolences, I just want him back.

Lots of things happened since Wednesday, but like I previously mentioned, it all seemed vapid. Wednesday in the afternoon I went together with Zakaria to a meeting (with more NGOs present in the country) and we talked about having a volunteering law in Dominican Republic and about a future event with NGOs. And after that, we went in the Zona Colonial. I wanted so so hard to visit that area, but I walked around without actually seeing anything. My mind was totally blocked by the news I received in the morning. We drank beer and staid on a bench in the park... I tried so hard to get my ming to be there, but I couldn't. After that, we went to a bar, where I drank an original Cuba Libre :) but again, everything seemed vapid. And before we went to sleep, we ate something which was really good - on the street, like we have in Romania the shaorma places. A busy day for me, for my experience here, I did lots of things which I wanted so hard to do, but I couldn't enjoy them... So I cannot tell you right now if I liked it or anything like that. I could have walked on a street with black walls; it would have been the same for me. Unfortunately, I will never be able to remember happily about my first walks in Santo Domingo.

When I woke up Thursday I ran to my computer, opened it and asked my friends to tell me I had a nightmare. Unfortunately, that wasn't true. The most difficult part is that I'm away from my family and friends (they couldn't hug me when I needed), but I was also away from my friend. I tried to get my mind away, so I went together with some guys from the MC flat to look for a sofa, because 2 CEEDers were suppose to come Friday for the elections we were having in Santo Domingo. It was fun, but still my mind was busy with something else. We went to IKEA and Carrefour and we did all of that while outside was raining like hell. When we got into the taxi to go to IKEA, I was completly wet - like I just came out of the shower. And I just walked 15 meters in the rain. And at 2 o'clock in the morning we went to subscribe to a local gym, because they had a special offer and we want to exercise during our term - they also have a pool :) Maybe it will be nice and helpful for me :) The most difficult part during this day was that being 7 hours difference (in front) of Romania, I couldn't fall asleep until 4 o'clock, because the funeral was at 11 in Romania. My mind was there... but phisically I was alone.

I woke up Friday morning and it was very hot outside. I was not in the mood for anything. Again. We went to eat at the supermarket over the street, we came back and when we came back I went to my room and started to cry. Back home everything finished, everybody was crying and some of my friends even met to talk about some good memories. But I was alone, in my room. No one to hug me, no sholder to cry on, and especially, I was not able to ever see my friend ever again. I tried to put my mind away so I went to shop an agenda for my sales meetings. I was so happy, because I found a very nice one CSR style :) And when we came back home, we used the carrito - the public taxi, which is able to transport more persons (4 in the back and 2 in the front). That night I went to a party. From that moment on, I started to feel very very alone. Everybody around me started to put presure on me to get over what was happening back home. But I couldn't. After some hours of trying to socialize, I couldn't dance, I couldn't laugh... I couldn't get over it, so I decided it's better for me to go home.

Saturday morning I woke up pretty late again - I love sleeping late nowadays. I'm always hoping, apparently, that if I sleep a lot, I will wake up and everything would be as it was 2 weeks ago. Unfornately is not like that and I'm also skipping breakfast :( Saturday we had elections for the EB of Santo Domingo. This time, I proved again how dedicated I'm to my work, because for the first time in one week, I was focused and I was able to understand all the candidatures in Spanish and I was even capable to ask questions. But in the moment when everything finished, my mind was again with my friend. We had a party at the MC flat where lots of persons came. I managed to stay awake until 3 o'clock in the morning, drinking and talking with people. I decided I should try even harder to communicate with members here and to appear normal. I didn't want them to know what happened and to pity me. But I was missing him so bad...

Today is Sunday. I've done nothing important. But I decided I should force myself to write here about everything. Why am I writing about this, here? Because it influenced my experience here. I couldn't work, I couldn't focus, I couldn't be active and conversations... I will live totally differently this experience. Because in a difficult moment for me, I was totally alone. I cannot talk with anyone about how I feel or how important he was for me. So, this helped me to get even more out from my experience in the Dominican Republic. There is nothing I can do to change the situation - this happened, I'm here, all alone and in 6 months when I will go back to Romania for a short holiday, there will be 6 months since he passed away. Everybody in Romania have already talked about everything related to him and I will spend my Christmas holiday with my parents. But in these months, I will change and I will assimilate/digest all my feelings by myself. So my experience here changed because of this event. The only good feeling I have is that I can't wait to find out what was the purpose of this event into my life and my experience...I'm so excited to find out this. Until then, I want to thank from the bottom of my heart and with all my soul to him for everything he meant to me/us, what he did for me/us and what he was for me/us. This experience is going to be even more interesting for me :)