Last day

Today I remembered the last day I spent in Romania. The last 24 hours and what I have done.

I remember how I went to Ali to tell him goodbye and how I stood with him in front of my building for the last time. The discussions we had and that we said we will not say goodbye, how we promissed we will talk often and that he will answer my e-mails as soon as possible. I remember the last time I talked with Bogdan and what he told me, including the fact that he will not see me to tell me goodbye. I remember how I was running to do my insurance papers and the last meeting with my girls. That last time I drank my coffee at Starbucks and how it was. I remember that I was so pissed off about the insurance and that I tried to not think about the fact that I will not see my girls for one year, and that when I left I didn't want to hug them or kiss them or even saying goodbye, but that I left crying and they don't know that. I remember how I cried all the way home, thinking how much I will miss my girls.

I even remember the feeling I had when I was in the MC office of AIESEC Romania for the last time. I took so many pictures with all the desks and rooms, I was so so sad. I was already missing my team, my work, my Alumni. I remember the last look I took in the office, the last look I took from my window in my own room, the last look I took at my room and how I put very fast, right before I got out of the house, a picture with me and my mom. Just in case.

Now, I'm thinking about the feeling I will have the last time I will see the MC office in the Dominican Republic. My God! One of the most craziest years in my life, being MC VP and then being MCP, a wonderful team, a crazy team, a team that believed and strived for excellence, friends I will never forget and hopefully I will meet around the world in my future life, my bed, my desk, the rooms, the washing machine, the couch, the chairs, the building. And I'm on my way to the airport, I'm going home. Or maybe I'm going somewhere in Europe for one week for holidays. But I'm leaving... and I'm again sad...

Last night I had such a wonderful dream. I was so tired and I went to sleep early, but I managed to dream something. I was already home, after 1 year and he was there hugging me, telling me that this trip was so good even for him, because he managed to think and analyze everything. I don't know if I'm in love, I don't think I can be with a person I haven't seen in so many months, but what he was telling me there seemed so normal and natural. And I felt so protected and safe. Maybe I'm associating the home image with him and this is why I felt like that. Maybe it's wrong to think like that and maybe I should use this period in order to sort things in my life. Maybe it's good because I realize that actually I want him and I will never be able to change that. But it doesn't matter right now, I think... I think it matters that after that dream I felt more happy, more protected, more safe, more willing to do my job... I felt better. I think that's all that matters :)

I want to thank, again, everybody for your support. You know with what you contributed and that I'm thanking you for something. Thank you for your dreams, for my dreams, for your time, for the influence, for the good memories, for the conferences, for the coffees, for the "cico"s, for the nights and days spent together, for every every thing! Thank you!

Memories

Lately I tend to think very much about home, about what is happening in life in general, about what we do on a daily basis...

The other days, I was watching a video on youtube and I realized that watching that movie I was thinking only about home, about my country, about my friends, about... memories. And my mind was flying between all my memories... my entire life was flashing in front of my eyes.

I was in a concert of my favourite artist one year ago, at the seaside with my friends. Then I was in the plane, going 10.000 km away from home to conquer new mountains inside me. Then I realized I miss the guys in my life, even though I wanted to forget about them and think clearly just about myself. But then I realized that I'm so far away from anything known for me, I'm in a country with a different culture, with different personalities, nothing is anymore known... But I was in a plane with a guy and I was leaving to a new country... and I always asked myself, why did him took the same plane with me...

I'm doing right now so many things I would not normally do if I were home, I'm part of one of the most international teams possible, I'm thinking all the time in English, not Romanian, and I already started to switch sometimes to Spanish... But I wonder what I am going to do with my masters, am I going back after this year to finish it, am I taking one more year of break, what?

Oh... and then I remembered about how many interviews I had to give for my CSR project, how the PR manager taught me how to talk with radios and TV stations and what to tell in the interview. Or when we did promotion for our recruitments or when I talked with 200 people in a room about AIESEC and how nervous I was...

And then I woke out to reality. My friend is really gone, I will never see him again, but my life moves on. And that's so weird... I have so many reasons to be happy, but sometimes it seems so weird to do that. It seems so sad... life has to move on, life moved on... maybe he will always know that I will never be trully happy, but he will be happy that my life is getting better...

The arrival

The feeling I had was that I was a package that needed to be delivered...

I all started on the 18th of June, when I woke up home. I was excited, like I was going to attend a party which I waited for years. I left home with my parents and went to the airport. I tried so hard not to cry or even think about what was about to happen. My parents delivered the package to Bogdan P, which was going to Brussels for business stuff. One of the most interesting things was that it was the first time when I travelled by plane; even though I visited other countries, I always used to travel by train or by car, never by plane. Bogdan took really care of the package and explained the whole process in order for me to be ok with everything. First flight was interesting and I really liked it, but unfortunately it was cloudly and I could not see anything. When I arrived, Bogdan gave the package to Alexu, because I was about to spend 17 hours in Brussels. I visited the city, ate the traditional meals and, of course, goffre :) I managed to sleep of 4 hours and at 4:30 Alexu gave the package to a taxi to delivered it to the airport.

From this moment, everyhing changed. The package was me. I was by myself in a completly new city. It was night and the driver was not speaking English, so I was by myself. All alone. Weird are the thoughts that run through your mind when you are put in a situation like this. My mind was trying to stick to anything that was familiar: I was so happy when I saw written "Cora" or "McDonalds". My mind was trying so hard to make everything normal for me. At the airport, I was totally lost: huge airport, everything was new for me and I had to do the check-in. They had like at least 100 desks where you could do the check-in and at least 30 planes arriving or leaving in the same period. Fortunately, I managed to do the check-in, had a coffee and also, went to the bathroom to do the make-up :) I had to look nice in the plane.

I spent 2 hours, by myself in the tranzit area, looking at the plane and thinking about how everything will be. I could not focus on anything and, of course, I could not eat anything. After the boarding, while seating in the plane, I felt so alone... I was wondering what are my girlsfriends thinking right then, if Bogdan was enjoying the team-building and the weather (he wanted nice weather, but it was raining outside) and specially, I was wondering if my parents were sleeping or crying. When the place left for take-off I started crying like crazy. I realized in that moment that I'm actually leaving 10.000 away from home and anything familiar for me. But the pilot announced us that we need to get back, because of technical problems. We turned back for 3 times - I started wondering if that was a sign and if I really want to go or I should ask to get off the plane. But the place took off. So that's it. I was leaving for 1 year in the other part of the planet. By myself. Alone. To challenge my self, to find myself, to be free, to learn new things, to be very good, to prove all the things I promised, to deliver them, to help another AIESEC country grow. My god.. I'm crazy. Oh, God, I will miss you all so much. My god...I'm actually leaving. That's it, I left.

The time spent in the plane was nice, pretty good food, Dominicans in the back, the stewardess is speaking French and Dutch, barelly English. I'm ok. Everything will be ok. I managed to sleep only one hour and I watched different TV series on a personal player I bought for the plane. 10 hours in the plane, sitting on the same place...my ass was kinda hurting. I was 100 km away from Punta Cana. One more hour. I'm here. The weird things in the plane:

1. all the Dominicans applaud when the plane takes-off or when it lands
2. the view from the plane: the island is green, filled with forests, almost no houses or roads
3. the emply spots in the air, when the plane was suddenly falling (kinda)
4. the air when I got out of the plane - you actually cannot breath because of the humidity
5. the airport is weird - 6 houses like the peasants house in Romania, only bigger. The walls made from concrete and the celling made out of branches (tree branches, yes). That's it. Oh... and inside, besides some chicas dresses in local clothes, which were taking pictures with you, almost nothing. The AC was made out of 2 huge fans hanged from the ceiling. And that's the airport.

At the airport, after I picked up my luggage, I went outside and I was looking for Zakaria, who was supposed to pick me up. Apparently, my plane landed earlier, even though we took off later, so after 15 minutes, Zakaria came.

The car we used to get from Punta Cana to Santo Domingo was a taxi, of a member from Santo Domingo. It was a Mazda, but please imagine it like a Trabant. Very old and with nothing on board working. I had no idea what was the speed of our car, because the machines were not working. We stopped for some food and when we jumped back in the car I realized again how weird our transportation mean was. The car turn-on using a screwdriver :) because apparently the car was smashed by some thieves. The trip with the car was so weird, you cannot imagine. We were driving, I think, at 120 km/h, with the windows down, because it was too hot. I had the impression at a specific moment, that we are going to take-off. Oh... and no driving regulations are respected. You can overcome a car using the emergency lane or using the land next to the oncoming traffic. :) The food I ate was really good, I like it (I'm very picky with my food) and now I can say I'm ok with the local food, or at least with what I tried so far.

I arrived in the office, did the check-in :) and apparently there was suppose to be a party. But I was too tired, so I went to sleep. For 15 hours :) And now, I'm still tired :)

The feeling overall? It's weird. I cannot believe I'm here for 1 year. I cannot believe I travelled so much, paid so much to do this. I cannot believe I'm so far from anything famliar to me. It's weird...